By Tiffany Williams-Jallow, Relationships360° Founder
Every person has a different level of self-discipline but if you’re used to jumping in the sack regularly stopping cold turkey may not be that easy initially. However, celibacy or abstaining from sexual relations for religious, spiritual, personal or other reasons can be done successfully with time and here are are some suggestions on how you can avoid ending up in bed.
If you are abstaining from sex for religious or spiritual reasons, you cannot get through it without strong faith and friends who are on the same path who can encourage you along the way. Pray, read your Bible every day and spend time regularly with friends who share your spiritual beliefs and understand what you have chosen to do and not waste their time trying to convince you how crazy you are for abstaining.
2. Guard your senses.
We live in a sex ridden society. It’s in the music, movies, our favorite TV shows, the magazines we read…you get the idea. If those things make you want to have sex you may need be more selective with your entertainment choices. Also, watch your words. Having constant conversations about sex will only make you want to participate.
3. Keep it moving!
Engaging in physical activities like exercise or dancing can help your body burn off pent up sexual energy and get you used to the adjustment you’re making. Select a workout regimen or sport you enjoy and do it regularly.
4. Date wisely.
You don’t have to tell every man or woman you meet you’re celibate during the first conversation. If the person’s intentions are honorable he or she won’t try to have sex with you too soon anyway. So, it won’t be a big deal initially. Yes, you will have to tell him or her about your lifestyle as the courtship progresses and the person will have to determine whether or not he or she can handle your decision. Dating someone who constantly attempts to get you in the sack is just foolish. If the person you’re dating can’t respect your choice then tell them to kick rocks!
5. Don’t be a tease.
We all want to look good when we go out but if your goal is not to have sex why entice the opposite sex by dressing provocatively. Plunging neck lines, unbuttoned shirt collars and skin tight material does not say hands off. You don’t have to dress like a nun but dressing like a male stripper or call girl is a no, no. It can also send mixed signals not only to your date but to yourself. Even wearing your sexiest lingerie “just in case” subconsciously says to your mind and body let’s get it on. On the flip-side, you probably won’t be so quick to come out your clothes if you think those period panties, raggedy bra or holey drawers will embarrass you. It may seem crazy but it works!
6. Tame your affections.
We all want to feel wanted but pushing the envelope will only frustrate you and your partner. Constant fondling, intense make out sessions, lying next to one another without any clothes on and engaging in oral sex will not help you achieve your goals. What fun is getting all hot and bothered and then having to cool down quickly? You know what turns you on so you also know what will send you over the edge. Some people can’t even hold hands with or hug the opposite sex without sending their hormones into a frenzy.
7. Plan dates outside and skip late nights.
Sex usually happens when two people are alone so it’s important to plan dates outside with other people present to help alleviate the temptation. Have fun: double-date, go to a concert, take a walk or dine at a cafe while focusing on building a solid friendship. Now, alone time can be tricky but if the two of you set some boundaries you can have a great time enjoying one another with your clothes on. You may want to put a ban on midnight movie nights at home though. Usually, the later it is the more tempted you will be to have sex.
8. Stay sober!
Drinking too much alcohol can release one’s sexual inhibitions and will likely hinder one’s goal not to have sex by driving them to engage in risky sexual behavior. There are also people who feel extremely horny after having one too many drinks, which makes it harder if not impossible for a person to abstain from sex. If you are a Christian, you shouldn’t be getting drunk anyway!
9. Put away your toys.
They are called sex toys for a reason. Using sex toys is no different than a couple supposedly waiting until marriage yet pushing the envelope as far as they can sexually with heavy petting, kissing and, for some, oral sex without going all the way. Pornography and masturbation also fall into this category as participating in these activities for your own self-pleasure open the flood gates of sex leaving you wanting more. As you know, it requires self control to dial sexual urges all the way back. The definition of celibacy is abstaining from sexual relations and is not about seeing how far you can go sexually without having sex.
10. Don’t treat this like it’s the end of the world.
Not having sex isn’t a prison sentence. You made this decision because you felt it was the right thing to do. If you’re going to stress the entire time and complain about how horny you are don’t do it. Abstaining from sex is a time of self-reflection, spiritual enlightenment and Godly purpose. You won’t experience any of that if you are miserable and constantly fretting over the fact that you aren’t getting any.
I’m glad you read this far, because it means you’ve learned a lot of good information that will help you when put it into practice. Here’s what I want you to do next…
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